The Walls We Build

I am currently 6 months post divorce.

Legally, I am still married, but it has been just over 6 months since I asked for a divorce and in my mind, that is when it was final.

You may or may not think that’s a realistic or helpful belief to have, but it works for me, and this is my story, so we’re going with it 😉

Suffice it to say, that in the past 6 months, my life has evolved on a very steep learning curve and at a very accelerated rate.

I have learned a lot about myself and even more about the people around me.

I have taken a lot of time to get to know myself and reflect on who I am, who I want to be and how I want to become that person.

I have realized that the people I thought were really important in my life, were more like place card holders in my life.

That might sound harsh, and maybe it is, but it was a pretty harsh reality to face as well.

I have been taking a lot of time to figure out who I really want in my life, in my inner circle and how I even find these people…

I’ve learned to be extremely cautious about the things I share with others.

I’ve learned to be a lot more guarded and defensive.

One person commented to me that I was not the Katie they knew and loved.

At first, I was really offended by this because of course, at my core, all of the same things in my life are just as important to me as they always have been….

But another part of me realized they weren’t wrong.

I am no longer the same person I was before my divorce.

I am stronger.

I am more independent.

I am no longer tolerant of any kind of “fake” relationships in my life.

I am no longer willing to accept the status quo.

I am no longer willing to take the blame or responsibility for things I have not done or did not do.

I will stand up and defend myself. To anyone.

I will speak the truth, even when it is “hard” for others to hear.

I will not be a victim to anyone.

I will be an example for my children of how to stand on your own and for what is right.

I realize that I am the author and creator of my story. And I am going to create it.

I will show anyone and everyone that this version of “me” is the one that has always been hiding behind the desire to be loved, accepted, and valued by those around me.

Now, I love, accept and value myself first and recognize that I never had the ability to receive these things from those I once sought them from.

I recognize that I never allowed anyone to see the real version of me. Not all of me anyway.

Now, I am not hiding anymore.

I have boundaries. And I enforce them.

I have expectations and requirements of those I surround myself with and I share them.

I have my own back first, foremost and always.

So, no. I am not the same Katie.

Definitely not. And I am very proud of that.

This is Katie 2.0 as my friend said the other day.

I make no apologies and I take full responsibility for all of me.

So many times, we build walls around us to keep others from finding out who WE truly are….or to “protect” ourselves.

I’m learning that sometimes, the best thing we can do is not to hold ourselves back, but to limit access to ourselves.

What if we built walls to keep ourselves from giving too much to those who will not appreciate all we have and all we are?

What if we built walls to recognize we are the gift and letting others in is their privilege, not their right.

What if we built walls to protect others from all that we are because we understand that just not everyone can handle us?

And we don’t need to give any of our time to anyone who doesn’t value all of us.

Go be your very best you.

Love yourself first, foremost and always.

Whatever it is that you are looking for from someone else, give it to yourself.

You deserve it friend.

Just do me one favor, please…..

Once you figure that out, come back here and tell me all about it 🙂

Your coach, Katie