When Things Fall Apart

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When Things Fall Apart

I have been thinking a lot recently about the events and details surrounding my divorce. 

Where along my path of marriage I misstepped which led me here to divorce. ..

When I realized that my marriage might not be able to be saved or worth saving….

When I realized it was the best decision to pursue a divorce …

Having the courage to finally speak these truths out loud…

Facing these truths amidst the judgment and opinions of others..

What parts of each of these did I maybe get wrong?

What could I have done better?

Where should I be taking responsibility?

What more, if anything, could I or should I have done?

Is there anything I may have missed or overlooked along the way that should be reconsidered? 

There are endless questions and possibilities that could be considered for each of these questions. 

I find though, that second-guessing does nothing more than create confusion, unrest, and chaos in my life. None of these emotions are helpful or productive. 

I have taken genuine time with each of these questions and come to the conclusion that regardless of what was, my decision to get divorced is still the best decision for myself and for my family. 

Regardless of the backlash, the judgment of others, all the negative emotions that have arisen since I told my ex that I wanted a divorce…I would choose it again. 

Regret is a choice. 

I choose to move forward with the intention of continuing to be my best self every day. 

There is nothing any of us can do to change the past. 

The only thing any of us can do is be present at this moment. 

To focus on who we want to be right here and now and who we want to be in the future.

To have something we have never had, we must be willing to do things we have never done. 

Regret and focusing on the past are not part of that. 

So when you find things falling apart around you, maybe that means you’re right where you’re supposed to be. 

Keep going forward, friends. 

Everyday is full of choices. 

Whether or not to get out of bed. 

What to wear. 

What your kids will wear. 

What to eat. 

If you will exercise. What exercise will you do?

To work or not to work?

Some choices are easier than others. 

Some are so routine, they no longer feel like choices. 

Some feel like they consume us. 

One choice we make subconsciously every day is whether we focus on the past, the present, or the future. 

Focusing on the past can create depression—longing for what once was or wishing for what could have happened differently for example. 

Focusing on the future can create anxiety—worrying about situations that “could” happen or how something will or won’t go for example. 

Focusing on the present is where all our control lies, however. 

We cannot go back and change what was. 

We cannot skip forward in time to escape our current situation or be in a different place than we currently are. 

We can choose who we are today. Right here and now. 

We can plan for the future and work to create the life that we want. 

We can be purposeful and intentional in every moment. 

We can decide who our future self is going to be and live today through that lens. 

We can envision the life that we would like to have and work every day to create it. 

Truth is who you are in this moment here and now is deciding who you will be in the future and what life you will have. 

So today, ask yourself who you are creating. 

Are you creating depression and anxiety?

Or are you creating purpose and vision? 

Only you know.

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